In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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