Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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