soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
