Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
