Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
