I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
