martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
