i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
