The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
