Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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