Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He's on the porch naked. Help.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
