just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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