if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
