My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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