i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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