Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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