i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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