He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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