This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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