meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
