It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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