some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
