I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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