he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
