So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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