so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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