Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
