Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Is it penis luge time yet?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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