please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
