She's JV to your varsity
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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