At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
