I could make wine with my vomit
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
