Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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