Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
