I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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