Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
