and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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