This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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