I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Actions speak louder than pants.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
