hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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