Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
