and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
