Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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