Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
