It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
