champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
