Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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