i came on her dog
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
