i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
