I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
