I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
