it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
