Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
