I haven't been this sober since birth.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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