Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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