Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
