ADVERTISEMENT

• (206): View more from Washington

  got weed?

  (425): View more from Washington

  I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.

  (206): View more from Washington

  sorry mom...

  Fav 157 2634 18429

  share tweet
  

• (503): View more from Oregon

  I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I am not joking.

  Fav 30 1745 4257

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles

  Fav 19 1614 5314

  share tweet
  

• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER

  Fav 12 985 4662

  share tweet
  

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.

  Fav 10 1445 4196

  share tweet
  

• (315): View more from New York

  found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.

  Fav 8 4346 1847

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (404): View more from Georgia

  He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.

  Fav 7 731 2385

  share tweet
  

• (619): View more from California

  He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.

  (760): View more from California

  Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.

  Fav 1 1309 812

  share tweet
  

• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?

  Fav 10 1082 727

  share tweet
  

• (289): View more from Ontario

  God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.

  Fav 8 1553 702

  share tweet
  

• (425): View more from Washington

  I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.

  Fav 3 783 470

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?

  Fav 15 1123 611

  share tweet
  

• (315): View more from New York

  The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.

  Fav 6 464 1066

  share tweet
  

• (909): View more from California

  I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.

  Fav 6 472 460

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (765): View more from Indiana

  You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.

  Fav 0 70 8

  share tweet
  

Randomize