I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
