I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Randomize
