It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
